The Princess Bride, Ranma style
by Nadya Lubov
Summary: Ch.5 is up. Here is my rendition of William Goldman's The Princess Bride, but with a Ranma 1/2 twist to it. R+A play the main characters, and the rest... well, you'll find out who they all are if you read on. Please R+R ^_^
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights for **Ranma 1/2** or **The Princess Bride** (William Goldman). I am just borrowing the characters and plot, and am not using this for commercial use, but my own amusement. Please don't sue me hehe ;)

  


**Chapter 1: **

  
  
  


Akane's long black hair graced over her slender shoulders as she screamed, "Raaannnmaaaa, you jerk!!"

"Are you trying to kill me?" Ranma looked at the unappetizing block of rice before him, decorated with his broken chopstick gouged in the center. His right eye twitched slightly, and he gulped, "I think I'll pass. I ate lunch earlier." He was obviously lying because of his growling stomach.

"You can atleast try it!" Akane begged, but he still hesitated. "...FINE! Don't eat it! Starve for all I care!" _Why can't I ever cook anything? I can't even make a simple pot of rice!_ She thought as the corner of her eyes began to water. She sniffled.

"Awww, geee Akane, don't cry," Ranma said as he picked up the slab of rice with the broken chopstick, and placed it close to his mouth. _Oh man, she's trying to kill me... I better eat this. She tried so hard to make it... I hate it when she cries like this._ His teeth ground into the crunchy pieces of rice that he put into his mouth. "Mmm... It's... good" Tears now welling up in his eyes from the horrid taste.

"Do--you really like it?" She looked into his eyes with hope.

"Yeah, Akane, it's... really good," Ranma stuttered.

"I'm so glad." She said happily.

"Thanks a lot Akane, but I gotta go and finish my work now."

"But, don't you-" she didn't have time to finish the sentence before he ran off, after only taking that one bite. "Ranma..." she whispered after him.

* * *

  


"Man, I'm starving." Ranma said to himself while resting Indian style upside down with his short black hair pressing into the wooden floor.

Ever since he was little, the Tendos took care of him because his dad left for China to train, and hasn't returned. It was his job to keep the house clean, plant the crops, and feed the animals until he came back for him. It was his way to pay rent. He often thought of going to China himself to search for his father, but was always pressured not to go because the Tendos needed his help. Plus, he didn't want to leave Akane. Although they would always be bickering, he had loved her the moment they laid eyes on each other. Akane was an only child, and a mere 17 years old. He couldn't possibly leave her now.

His stomach began to growl furiously, and he lost balance. He toppled over, but managed to smoothly fall into an actual sitting position rather then on his head.

"Ranma?" He heard Akane's voice at the closed door. She opened the door slightly to look inside, and saw a bare room lined with wooden floors, and bedding folded neatly beside the wall. Ranma could smell ramen noodles causing his mouth to water and stomach to growl.

"I know I don't cook very well, but my dad made this and told me to bring you some. He thought that you probably didn't eat very much today." She said while walking inside the room, and placing the bowl of noodles next to him.

Ranma, surprised that she hadn't started a fight, simply said, "thank you," and slobbered the food up in a second. Akane giggled at the sight, but sadly thought to herself, _why doesn't he eat the food I make so fast? Am I really that bad a cook?_ Akane sighed, and got up to leave his room. Not wanting her to leave, he said the first thing that came to his mind. "Man Akane, I wish you could cook like this," he said innocently, not realizing the sarcasm in his voice.

Akane was furious, her eyes staring him down with a vengeance."I came here to give you some good food, and all you can do is make fun of my cooking? Ranma, you jerk! If my cooking's so bad, why don't you make your own food!" A table seemed to pop out of nowhere into her hands as she raised it above Ranma's head. Not believing he had said anything offensive, he successfully dodged Akane's first swing of the table, and somersaulted next to her. "Hey, now hold on Akane..." She swung the table at him again, but he still dodged. She was getting even more mad now that he wasn't allowing her to pummel him. Ranma, still oblivious to the remark he said before, was also becoming angry with Akane's table swinging. "Why would I want to eat food from an uncute tomboy like you anyway? I can make it better myself!" With that, Akane whacked him with the top of the table. "Jerk!" She left him there with the table on top of his head. "You're so uncute!" Ranma screamed after her.

A spark seemed to fly out of her ear when she heard him say that, and she got butterflies in her stomach. Her heart began to beat faster, "What did you say?" She asked. "I can make it better myself!" Ranma responded after miraculously recovering from the hit, and sitting calmly upright again. "No, I mean, after that," she said, "while you were underneath the table."

"That you're a tomboy?" he said.

She was becoming mad now, "after that!"

"What?" He asked.

"Idiot! Ranma, you don't even remember?" She questioned.

"You're so uncute, Akane!" The spark flew through her ear again at the statement, and she could feel her heart pounding, "how am I supposed to remember-"

"That was it!" She cut him off, and looked lovingly into his eyes.

"You're so uncute?" He asked, and he saw a spark fly through her ear. "Are you OK Akane?"

With that she just ran out of the room. She realized that, every time Ranma was saying "you're so uncute," he really meant "I love you."


	2. Departure

Chapter 2: Departure

  
  


_What was that all about?_ Ranma thought as he pushed the broken table to the other side of the room. "She should know that nobody can eat her toxic food," he grumbled. _I guess it was nice of her to bring me some ramen... I guess, I could have been a little nicer to her._ "She didn't have to hit me so hard with that table now did she??... I better go apologize." He said to himself as he began to make his way to her room.

* * *

_Why does he always have to be such a jerk?! Ranma no baka!_ Akane stared at the mirror on her dresser, and noticed how dirty and unkempt she looked. _How could he possibly love a tomboy like me?_ Her hair was a mess of tangles, and her skin was dry from running in the sun all day. She didn't take special care of herself like the other girls did. _Did he really mean it? I can't possibly love him? He's just a farm boy!_ She thought to herself. _He's just a baka farm boy, and a pervert!_ Visions of him working in the field came into her mind. His muscles pulsing as he trained and fed the animals. Someone else suddenly appeared in her vision. A young woman holding an unusually large spatula was walking towards him. She gave him some specially made food, "hey Ran-chan, I made this for you." "Thanks U-chan!" He responded while gazing into her eyes. _Why is he looking at her! That jerk! He couldn't possibly--_ Akane's thoughts were cut off when she noticed that she was staring back at him. _How can she possibly like a baka farm boy! She couldn't..._ She kept staring at him! _Baka!_ He wouldn't stop looking at her. _Baka, baka!_ Akane couldn't stop thinking that Ranma was in love with Ukyo. _Baka baka baka_ She began to weep uncontrollably. _He isn't just a stupid farm boy! He isn't stupid at all! He's perfect, with his perfect teeth, perfect smile, perfect-body..._ She couldn't stop crying.

Ranma had finally made his way to Akane's room, and noticed that the door was closed. As he walked closer, he could hear her sobbing. _Did I really hurt her that bad?_ His heart sank to think that he could ever cause her so much pain. Guilt engulfed him, and he wanted to walk back to his room, but decided against it. _Maybe I should leave. Akane doesn't need me here anyway. All we ever do is get in fights. I should go to China--I have to find pops._ With that, Ranma walked to her door.

Akane could hear knocking from outside her room, and quickly rushed to see who it was. "Ranma?" She asked as she swung the door open.

"Akane," he stated, taken aback by her tear stained face. "I have come-"

"What do you want Ranma," she said, not wanting him to know that she cared about him.

"To say good-bye," he completed his sentence, and Akane was shocked. "You're leaving?" She said.

"Yes-" he was cut off as Akane, trembling, asked "why?"

_He's really leaving me for Ukyo? _Not waiting for him to respond, her anger was building as she thought of him and Ukyo living happily together. "FINE! Go! I'm sure you two will be very happy together! Don't let me stop you!" She swung at Ranma, with a mallet that appeared, seemingly from nowhere, but he dodged.

"Akane! I'm leaving to find my father in China!" He managed to say before he was slugged with the mallet."I don't know why you would think I would want to live with anyone else. You're so uncute!" Another spark randomly flew out of Akane's ear as she heard his words.

"I've come to say good-bye," Ranma stared down at his feet, and started walking out of her room.

"Wait!" She pleaded, "do you really--love her?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Akane. There's no one else that I--" He stopped as he noticed how confused she looked. "How can I put this simply Akane... If your love were a grain of rice, mine would be a universe of rice fields."

_What is he talking about? Baka Ranma! If you're making fun of me!_ She began to ball her fist, and her eye began to squint evilly at him.

"Whoa Akane! I'm telling you, there's no other tomboy for me. You're so uncute, I can't help but, love, you." He closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable slap, but it never came.

"Baka Ranma," she couldn't help but stare into his beautiful eyes. She started to edge her way towards him until they were nose to nose. A sweat drop appeared near Ranma's temple, but he didn't take his eyes away from her. He gently cradled the back of her neck with his hand, and kissed her. In all the world, there have been five great kissed to reach the history books, this one surpassed them all.

Akane was dumbfounded, and reacted the only way she knew how. The mallet suddenly reappeared, "Ranma you jerk!!" was all he heard before he was sent flying through the roof and landed magically back in his room.

Ranma didn't hold it against her, but merely teased her the next day before he left. "Can't even give you a simple kiss Akane, what a tomboy, you're so uncute!" Akane just nudged him and giggled, trying to hold back tears. "What, if I never see you again?" She asked.

"This is true love, do you think this happens every day?" He simply stated, and walked away from the house.

* * *

I'm sorry if this was really cheesy, but this is based on a scene from the book. It's one of my favorite scenes, sorry if they seemed a little out of character. I hope you guys liked it anyway ^_^


	3. the prince of... panties?

Chapter 3: The prince... of panties?

  
  


_I can't believe he's actually gone,_ Akane thought while looking around his empty room. She was left with nothing to remember him by because he even took his bedding in case it got cold. "Oh Ranma, how could you have left me. What am I supposed to do now?" She sighed, and walked back to her room. "What a mess," she looked at herself. She noticed all the baby fat that still remained around tender parts of her body, "it has been a while, hasn't it?" she asked herself as she changed into her training uniform. "Ranma..." Images of him laughing with other women spun through her mind, and she became enraged. "I have to train. He said he'll be back soon..."

Months passed by, and Akane was training almost everyday. She had easily become the most beautiful woman in the world, far surpassing the previous girl from the Chinese Amazon. Her hair was a beautiful black, long and silky, and she made sure to wash and condition it everyday, how could she know when Ranma would return? All the boys in town became love-sick for her, and challenged her, stupidly, to duels every morning in hopes of dating her. "Who said I would date any of you anyway?!" She would tell them after defeating them all in seconds. _I hate boys!_ She thought while she clobbered them. She never thought of Ranma like this though, of course.

It was almost a year now, and still no word from Ranma. _Are you ever coming back?_ She couldn't help but become saddened by this, and almost wept. She stopped herself short though, she had to look perfect for him when he returned. She was sitting on a chair in her room when her father came in. "Hi dad," she greeted him.

"You have to stay strong Akane, you have to carry on the Tendo School of Martial Arts..."

"Don't you worry dad, I can take care of it," she told him gleefully.

"I'm glad to hear you say that--" Tears streamed down his face as he boldly said his next words, "Ranma can no longer carry on the School of Anything Goes Martial Arts!" His voice cracking with pride.

"What do you mean? He's coming back soon, he said so."

With tears still cascading from his sparkling eyes, "Ranma's ship was attacked," he said.

"Attacked?" She asked, not believing him. "Didn't he _swim_ to China? I thought he didn't have enough money for a boat?"

"Right... He was attacked at sea." He continued.

"By what??" Akane was perplexed, and still sat in her chair with disbelief.

"If I heard correctly... It was a mad duck, or goose, or something of the sort." He sobbed into Akane's shoulders.

"You're telling me that we was killed by a mad duck???"

"That's right. And, he never takes prisoners." He concluded as he left her alone in the room.

_Ranma's gone? He can't be gone! A goose?? How could he have gotten killed by poultry!!! Oh Ranma!_ With that she remained locked in her room for days. They soon turned to weeks, which turned to months. She ate very little, and when she finally came out, she was even more breathtaking than before. No tears stained her cheeks, and she was ten years wiser and calmer than ever before. "Akane!" Her father exclaimed as he rushed over to her and hugged her ferociously with tears gushing from his eyes.

"I shall never love again," she stated bluntly.

She never did...

* * *

Five years have passed since Ranma's fateful voyage to China...

* * *

"Please master, anything but that," Tendo pleaded while running beside a small, tiny, old man.

"What a haul, what a haul!" He yelled.

"But master, we shouldn't be taking women's underwear!" He tried to stay firm, but the little old man paid no attention.

"Let's head back my boys," he said staring at the large panda running next to Tendo. Each of the men were carrying large green sacks under their noses, filled to the brim with various articles of women's lingerie.

"Akane! My darling, we're back!" Haposai shouted as he lovingly caressed a loose brazier that had fallen from the bag. You could see Akane staring furiously down at him as he darted straight towards her chest. "PERVERT!" She screamed, and sent him soaring through the air with a frying pan she had behind her back. "Honestly, does he really think I'm going to marry him? It doesn't matter what you say! Just because he's the prince doesn't mean I have to marry him! I'd be baby-sitting all the time!"

"Now now Akane, we have to do what the master says." Her father stated with tears running down his cheeks. "His tactics may seem a bit, over the top, but..." He couldn't think of anything good to say about Haposai, so he just ended it there.

Akane was furious with her father's "respect" for the little man, so decided to go for a run. It was the only thing that she still enjoyed doing after hearing of Ranma's death...

  


* * *

  
Tell me what you thought of that chapter, there will me more up tomorrow, but I'm sleepy now hehe. I wanted to write more, but it's probably better if I get some sleep tonight ;) 


	4. The Three Circus Performers?

Chapter 4: Three Circus Performers?

  
  


Akane had been running for nearly half an hour by now when she decided, randomly, to go into the forest to clear her mind. "There's probably a bike trail in there," she said to herself as she jogged in. It was nearly three miles later, having still found no trails, when she heard an eerily majestic voice speak to her. "The night air calms, a rose amongst a pile of thorns, fair maiden. We are but three lost ken--circus performers. Please grace us with the beauty of your voice, be-ist there a village nearby?" Akane turned around to see a tall man with short brown hair gazing lovingly at her and holding a long wooden sword. His face was completely painted white except for the two round, red, dots on his cheekbones, and brightly painted red lips. Her face instantly became petrified at the site. "No, there's--nothing, nearby." She stuttered as she looked around to see the other two standing next to the tall man in the kimono. One was a slightly shorter man wearing a yellow and black bandana, his face painted much in the same fashion as the first, but with a large, red, foam ball covering his nose. Next to this man, she noticed a young woman wearing a short Chinese outfit, and long, oddly colored, purple, hair. There was no paint on her face; the only thing shown there was a look of disgust at the other two.

"Before I can go any further, let me introduce myself." The tall man began, "I am Tatewake Kuno of Furinkan High. They call me BLUE THUNDER. I am rising star of the Kendo club!" He boasted proudly, only to get a repulsed look from Akane.

"Are you sure... We're supposed to tell her who we are?" Whispered the man with the yellow bandana.

"Fool! Insolence! How dare you speak to the captain of the Kendo club in such distasteful fashion!" He fumed.

Akane was getting bored with this little charade, and began to turn to run back home. "Where you going?" The little Chinese woman asked her.

"It was nice meeting you guys, but I have to get home now. Good luck with the circus and everything!" She waved cheerfully, and began to run away.

"Weren't we supposed to kidnap her?" Asked the man with the bandana.

"Shut up fool! Go catch her!" Kuno howled.

"Why should I be the one to get her?!"

The little Chinese woman was getting extremely annoyed by their bickering, and decided to get her by herself. "You dumb boys, no know how catch girl." She told them and ran after Akane with a large potato sack. "Excuse me, girl. You say, no town nearby?" She huffed trying to catch up to Akane.

"Can't say that there is," Akane continued running, "I'm sorry, I have to get home now."

"Where you go Akane, me no want harm you, only talk." Said the little Chinese girl.

"HEY! How do you know my name?" Akane asked as she began to run faster.

"You say no town nearby? Good, no one hear scream." "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!" Akane screamed while Shampoo gathered her in the potato sack... (meanwhile, in the nearby village, the whole town seemed to be taken aback when they heard the cries of a young girl. "What was that?" Someone asked, "it's probably just the wind..." another man responded, and they all resumed their daily routines.)

*********

"What you doing to Akane's shirt?" Shampoo asked when she saw Kuno begin to undress Akane.

"Fool, we must make sure that the Prince knows that we have kidnapped the fair maiden, so that we may reap the bounty of our fruits." Kuno stated bluntly.

"Why you speak in riddle all time? Is stupid," Shampoo told him.

"How dare you mock BLUE THUNDER of Furinkan High!"

"I don't think we need to send the whole shirt Kuno!" Ryoga butted in, his face red when he looked at Akane.

"They must take our kidnapping seriously!" Kuno interjected.

"How dare you try to take off a woman's shirt!" He yelled as he blocked Kuno from proceeding further.

"Stupid boys, they catch us soon, if we no leave now," Shampoo said as she boarded the boat with Akane, shirt and all, and began to lift anchor.

"How dare you try to depart without your leader, the BLUE THUNDER of Furinkan High!" Kuno screamed while running to catch up to the boat. Ryoga had already boarded while Kuno was preoccupied with trying to figure out how Shampoo got hold of Akane without him looking.

"If no catch boat, no help kidnap girl," Shampoo told him while pointing a mocking finger at him, but he had already taken the leap onto the boat. She was rather impressed with his speed.

"How dare you try to leave without your leader!" He bellowed, and Shampoo only stared at the man's face. "Why you two still wear stupid makeup?" She pointed to the white and red smeared across their faces. Ryoga and Kuno both ducked down, and instantly their makeup was removed when they looked back up.

Without another word, they departed into the deep, dark sea...

"Hey Shampoo," Ryoga said with a hint of humor showing through his eyes. "What if we get lost at _SEA_?"

"What you talking 'bout Ryoga."

"Well, atleast we know how to make some _TEA_." He said while laughing hysterically.

"You stupid Ryoga," she told him.

"Why don't you wear a _TOGA_." He said, laughing hysterically once again.

"Me not know why I travel with stupid boys," she responded.

"Why don't you go and make some _TOYS_?" He screamed, crying in the fetal position on the floor from his "clever" rhyming... "Come on Shampoo, we're supposed to be rhyming."

"Me no like stupid rhyme."

"Maybe you should give it some _TIME_." He interjected.

"Shut up, stupid Ryoga. I no like your stupid games."

"Maybe you shou--" He started, but was cut off when Shampoo whacked him over the head with one of her bonboris. A huge lump formed on the top of his head, and they sailed away in the distance...

* * *

I'm sorry if you don't all agree who I chose to be the three kidnappers, but I thought they would be the funniest ;) I hope you guys like it so far :) Tell me what you thought about this chapter. Thanx for reading it all so far ^_^

P.S. Thanx for the info about Shampoo's weapons lol, I had no clue what they were called hehe ;)


	5. The Man in Black

Chapter 5: The Man in Black

  
  


The crescent moon's gray brightness was the only thing lighting their way as they sailed, only a few tiny stars littered the skies. _They must not see my fear. I have to be strong. Ranma may have died, but I haven't. These three won't get the best of me._ Akane thought while looking around the ship, which was actually quite large. They had released her from the potato sack, so she could now move freely. Ryoga sat towards the back (near Akane) because he had gotten them lost several times before. In fact, that is why they were sailing around in the middle of the ocean. They should have gotten to their destination by now, but somehow they were lost.

He had been staring at her, but when he saw her look at him, his eyes instantly fell to the floor and he blushed slightly. Shampoo was on the other end with Kuno, trying to figure out if they were going the right way now. After deciding that they were headed in the right direction, they both took a seat at the front of the boat, intent on staring at Akane. "He'll find you, you know," Akane stated boldly. "And when he does, you three will not be too happy."

"That's exactly what we want, your highness," Kuno responded, his long wooden sword in hand.

"And what do you plan to do with me exactly?!" She asked, wondering to herself how she could have ever gotten kidnapped by such a buffoon.

"We only kill you Akane, no need worry," Shampoo answered with a cheery grin. Akane's boldness suddenly dissipated, and she began to shake inside. _Do they really want me dead?_

"Do we really have to kill her?" Ryoga asked the other two. "I agree with Ryoga, it seems quite unethical to destroy such a beautiful flower."

"No argue, must kill Akane." Shampoo said, staring at her, and the two men sighed with regret. _No use arguing with a beautiful, strong, Chinese amazon,_ they thought simultaneously.

Time just seemed to drag for the next few minutes until Ryoga questioned, "are you guys sure that we covered our tracks?"

"Of course, you imbecile!" Kuno responded, but was only asked again, five minutes later, "are you sure that nobody's following us?"

"How can anyone possibly even know that we have the princess, moron!" Kuno yelled, but second-guessed himself, "why do you ask?"

"Oh no reason... except, when I looked behind us, I noticed the huge ship that's gaining on us. I just thought you guys would want to know." He stated matter-of-factly.

Shampoo and Kuno both got up to look at the back of the ship.

_Must stay calm, don't do anything stupid. Nnnnnhhhhhh how could I have been taken so easily?! They won't succeed, they won't!_ Akane thought as she looked around one more time. At the moment when the other three decided to turn away and look behind, she leapt from the ship.

**S P L A S H**

was all they heard before they turned back to see that Akane had vanished into the ocean.

_I have to swim. I have to. I can make it!_ Akane thought as she managed to stay afloat for a few seconds. _I have to swim! Please! Don't let them..._ "RAN--!" She managed to gurgle before she started to sink into the ocean.

"Akane!" Ryoga screamed as he rushed to the side of the boat where she jumped off. He could only see one of her hands being taken by the ocean before he leapt in after her. "Akan--squeal squeal," came from his mouth as he was instantly transformed into a little black piglet once he hit the bitter cold water. His tiny arms, and legs scrambled desperately as he swam to catch up to her lifeless, sinking, body.

"Lower the rope!" Kuno screamed as Shampoo threw the sturdy rope down the side of the boat. Miraculously, with strength that seemed to come from nowhere, the little black piglet emerged, dragging Akane with his tiny teeth, and as if by another miracle, he managed to climb up with her, landing safe and sound.

"That was very bold of you Akane," Kuno told her with sarcasm.

"Only compared to some," she responded as she sat upright. She noticed a tiny black piglet breathing heavily next to her, and she cradled it against her chest. "Where did this cute little black pig come from? And what happened to Ryoga? Awww, poor little piggy's all wet," she cooed as she petted it. "I'm gonna call you P-Chan, were you the one who saved me?" She asked it as she pecked him lightly on the snout. "Why did you guys stop me from drowning anyway? I thought you wanted me dead?" She asked, suddenly remembering that she was in a dangerous situation. The two simply gave puzzled looks, and they continued on their journey, with the ship behind, gaining on them fast.

*********

"Squeal squeal squeal," the little piglet screamed as Shampoo pulled him from Akane's sleeping arms. "Shhhh, you not want wake Akane, you want her know you turn to little piglet?" Shampoo asked him, and he instantly stopped making noise. She had managed to find a tea kettle, which happened to be yellow, and heated up some water. The sun was starting to rise, and a soft orange glow could be seen all around. They had finally reached the cliff.

"At last! The Cliffs of Insanity!" Kuno screamed gleefully, waking Akane just as Ryoga finished putting on the rest of his clothes.

They released the anchor near the base of the cliff, and caught sight of the long rope that dangled down from the top. "How we spose clime up there?" Shampoo asked.

"Insolent woman! One of us will carry us all up this sturdy rope!"

"And who you mean to do that?" She asked, eyelids half closed at the stupidity of the situation.

"One of you has to be strong enough to carry all three of us! It's in the movie!"

"What movie you talk about? This is no movie," she responded, and Akane began to flail her arms to the ship coming closer to the cliff. "We're over here!" She yelled.

"What you do Akane?" Shampoo said, giving her the evil eye, and as she did so, Ryoga decided it was best to start climbing.

"Will everyone just get on," he growled. "It's probably well known that I _do_ have the best arms here," a sigh came from his mouth as the three climbed onto his shoulders, each wrapped tightly around some part of his body.

"Here we go," he said as he began his climb. Everyone was shocked because he _does_ have extremely strong arms, and before they knew it, they reached the halfway point. "Wait!" Akane yelled, and Ryoga stopped instantly, "we left P-Chan down there!" His arms seemed to give way a little when she said this, "he's fine," he responded as a huge sweat drop appeared on the top of his head.

"Hurry up you fool, he's gaining on us," Kuno said as they all looked down to see a man with a black pigtail climbing steadily up the rope. He wore black pants and a red, Chinese, shirt, but they couldn't see his face because it was hidden behind a black mask. He appeared to be flying up the rope without pause, and Ryoga quickened his pace. Moments later, the four had successfully scaled the cliff, and the man in black (not counting his obviously red shirt) was only a quarter of the way from the top.

Kuno hurriedly released his hold on Ryoga, and took out his sword. He swung at the rope, and although his sword was made of wood, it somehow managed to slice through. Instantly, the remaining rope slithered off the edge of the cliff.

The three kidnappers rushed to the edge, and were shocked to see that the man was still dangling only a few meters from the top. "Shampoo and I will take Akane, you take care of him. And, swiftly!" Kuno ordered Ryoga.

"I'll have to do it left handed," he responded as he took hold of the umbrella that was tied to his back, "I wouldn't want it to be finished _that_ quickly."

"Oh, WHATEVER! Just finish him off!" Kuno yelled to him, and sped off with Shampoo and Akane.

Ryoga stepped back towards the edge, and noticed that the man was having a hard time. "Can I offer you some help?" He asked him, but only received a grin in return. The man grabbed a steady piece of the rock with both his hands, and kicked his feet off the cliff. With hands firmly planted, his feet gradually made their way over his head, and he pushed down with his hands. The action caused him to somersault right to the top of the cliff, and land inches from Ryoga's nose. _Wow,_ he thought, _he's pretty good._

"You know that I can't let you pass," Ryoga told him, and the man in black nodded, knees bent, in a stance ready for attack. "Why don't you rest a minute," Ryoga suggested. _I don't want this to be too easy!_

"How nice of you," the man said sarcastically, and sat down on the ground, away from the edge.

"You wouldn't happen to turn into a panda when splashed with cold water would you?" Asked Ryoga hopefully.

"Do you begin all conversations this way?"

"Or perhaps, know a crazy redheaded girl?" The man in black's eyes suddenly opened wide, but not long enough for Ryoga to notice.

"NO! I definitely don't know anyone like that."

"I'm Ryoga Hibiki, and I am the last person that you will see alive."

"It's good to know that you're the last person I will ever see." He responded back with no hint of fear or sarcasm, or any emotion whatsoever.

"Well then, shall we begin?" Ryoga asked as he took out his red umbrella. The man in black, now back in his fighting stance replied, "I'm ready when you are."

* * *

I hope you guys liked this chapter. This was kind of a long one, but I hope it was worth it :) In case you guys didn't know, The Princess Bride is my fav movie _and_ book, so some Chapters are based on the book and vise versa. I'm sorry, I couldn't think of anything better than the "cliffs of insanity" hehe, but some things are better left unchanged ;) I'll write more soon, but in the meantime, tell me what you thought ^_~ But... please be kind.


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